Economic inflation continues to soar, and it’s too hard to joke about money. But let’s not take ourselves too seriously for a moment and laugh over these funny money quotes.
When it comes to money, it’s always a serious discussion. You don’t take money too lightly because it’s what feeds you, puts food on your back, and gives you shelter. Money is that one thing that buys all your needs and wants, and then some more.
While money is always a serious business, whether you are earning, spending, borrowing, or saving it, we can try to laugh at money with some of these funny quotes about money said by some of the most prominent people.
But after poking fun at money, it’s best we reflect on our money habits and learn lessons from these funny quotes about money.
So without further ado, here are the best funny money quotes!
Funny Quotes About Money on SAVING

- “The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
- “A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some.” – Joe Moore
- “Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
- “Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.” – Anonymous
- “Money isn’t everything, but it ranks up there with air and oxygen.” – Zig Ziglar
- “I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.” – Anonymous
- “There is only one amount of money – just not enough.” – Andy Kaufman
- “Money isn’t everything. Usually, it isn’t even enough.” – Unknown
- “It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” – Anonymous
- “You can be young without money, but you can’t be old without it.” – Tennessee Williams
- “I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
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Quotes About Money on SPENDING

- “A successful man is one who makes more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner
- “There is nothing wrong with women welcoming all men’s advances, as long as they are all in cash.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
- “Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” – Henny Youngman
- “One good thing about Christmas shopping it toughens you for the January sales.” – Grace Kriley
- “It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” – Milton Berle
- “It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are.” – Anonymous
- “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.” – Keith Davis
- “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” – Spike Milligan
- “If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” – Aristotle Onassis
- “Money won’t make you happy – but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” – Zig Ziglar
- “Money can’t buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.” – Spike Milligan
- “There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton
- “Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.” – Will Rogers
- “My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.” – Errol Flynn
- “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” – Brendan Behan
- “Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.”– Brooke Astor
- “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason
- “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” – Gertrude Stein
- “There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
- “If money can buy it, it’s not a blessing, it’s a purchase.” – Joubert Botha
- “Some people are so poor, all they have is their money.” – Blake Griffin
- “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
- “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers
- “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown
- “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
- “Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them.” – Sally Poplin
- “For I don’t care too much for money, for money can’t buy me love.” – The Beatles
Funny Money Quotes on EARNING

- “I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.” – Ron Kittle
- “If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.” – J. Paul Getty
- “You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage work ethic.” – Unknown
- “I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
- “Sex is like money; only too much is enough” – John Updike
- “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” – James Holt McGavran
- “Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld
- “Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.” – Mark Twain
- “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it’s a depression when you lose your own.” – Harry S. Truman
- “If there’s a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
- “A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.” – Anonymous
- “Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.” – William Somerset Maugham
- “What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
- “When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.” – Oscar Wilde
- “What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” – Mark Twain
- “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
- “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”– Jackie Mason
- “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers
- “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”– George Carlin
- “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” – Yogi Berra
- “People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.”– Doug Larson
- “Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five.”– Somerset Maugham
- “I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.”– Mark Twain
- “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”– Malcolm Forbes
- “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” – Groucho Marx
- “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen
- “When you’ve got them by their wallets, their hearts and minds will follow.”– Fern Naito
- “If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.”– Katherine Hepburn
- “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
- “Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.”– Bill Vaughn
Quotes About Money on BORROWING

- “If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.” – Benjamin Franklin
- “Never marry for money. Ye’ll borrow it cheaper.” – Scottish Proverbs12
- “You are rich if you have enough money to satisfy all your desires.” – Dan Millman
- “Before borrowing money from a friend decide which you need most.” – Proverbs
- “A creditor is worse than a slave-owner; for the master owns only your person, but a creditor owns your dignity, and can command it.” – Victor Hugo
- “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” – J Paul Getty
- “Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice.” – Tim Ferriss
- “Creditors have better memories than debtors.” – Benjamin Franklin
- “This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt.” – Earl Wilson
- “Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”– Ambrose Bierce
- “Borrowing to pay for college used to be the exception; now it’s the rule.”– Arne Duncan
- “I would borrow money all day long, if the cost of borrowing is less than the expected return.” – Brad Schneider
- “So there are two ways to be rich: you earn, inherit, borrow, beg, or steal enough money to meet all your desires; or you cultivate a simple lifestyle of few desires; that way you always have enough money.”– Dan Millman
- “Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.”– Josh Billings
- “Borrowing is not much better than begging; just as lending with interest is not much better than stealing.” – Doris Lessing
- “Let us not bankrupt our todays by paying interest on the regrets of yesterday and by borrowing in advance the troubles of tomorrow.” – Ralph W. Sockman
- “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope
- “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
Funny Money Quotes on INVESTING

- “You cannot just keep borrowing more and more and keep spending more and more without eventually having a day of reckoning.”
– Wilbur Ross
- “October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” – Mark Twain
- “If you are shopping for common stocks, choose them the way you would buy groceries, not the way you would buy perfume.” – Benjamin Graham
- “Money is like an arm or a leg. Use it or lose it.” – Henry Ford
- “We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.” – Unknown
- “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” – W. C. Fields
- “One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.” – William Feather
- “The function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.” – John Kenneth Galbraith
- “An investor without investment objectives is like a traveler without a destination.”
– Ralph Seger
- “The intelligent investor is a realist who sells to optimists and buys from pessimists.” – Benjamin Graham
- “Waiting helps you as an investor and a lot of people just can’t stand to wait. If you didn’t get the deferred-gratification gene, you’ve got to work very hard to overcome that.” – Charlie Munger
Conclusion
There you have it, some of the funniest money quotes. Hopefully, they have cracked you up, or made you smile at least. But remember, there’s always some wisdom behind these funny money quotes, and it’s important that we take those lessons to heart. Now, it’s time to get serious about money!
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